How I Came To Be Here…

        Life hasn’t always been a simple thing for me. I, like so many others, have struggled through many trials and tribulations before coming to the point I presently find myself in. It was through some of these that I came to find a great hobby in my life. A couple years ago if you were to meet me and tell me that in the not so distant future I would be this involved with aquariums and fish I would’ve called you a liar or thought you insane. I have never had much interest or knowledge of fish or their keeping. It just never really interested me. Of course as a child I had a few goldfish and even a betta, but never cared too much one way or the other. I thought of fish as stupid pets for lazy people, I believed they just sat in a bowl and ate, pooped, and swam in circles. Boy was I mistaken.

        Last summer I experienced an unfortunate chain of events that ended in my wife, daughter, and I moving back into my parents home. I’m sure I could write a whole book on the issues and such with that but I won’t bore anyone to death here. To get to the point of this little story, I have a younger sister who had been living at my parents with her daughter and they had some fish. She moved out of the house at the same time as I moved in and she left her tanks and fish here. I didn’t pay much attention to the strange creatures swimming around beside my bed and in my daughters’ room, I just assumed that my sister must be stopping by to feed and care for them while I was at work. They always say never assume, well no one was feeding them or doing anything. At this point I still didn’t care too much but I reluctantly began to feed them, and a funny thing began to happen, I started to like them.

        In our bedroom there were two black moors, both fairly large, a small ryukin and a small koi. I found myself growing attached to them. I would sit and watch them and was surprised that it made me smile. I still had no idea about ANYTHING that had to do with fish or aquariums and was feeding them 3 times a day, whenever they looked hungry. I really couldn’t understand why the water started to get really cloudy and smelled a little, so I went to the store bought some chemicals and fired them right in. If it said 5ml then 10ml was surely better. For some reason the problem got worse, and I was dumbfounded. One morning I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at them, I could barely see them swimming through the thick, smelly, murky water. That’s when it came to me; they would probably like a nice clean tank and some nice fresh water. What I did next will probably make some of you gasp in horror, but it made sense to me at that point in time.

        I went and got 2 large pitchers and put the fish into one with some water. I drained the tank into the bath tub and put all the gravel in a large bowl with some bleach and water to sit. I then went about using bleach and water to scrub out the entire tank, filter, ornaments, plants, and any and everything else. The whole time I was doing this I was thinking how happy our fish were going to be in their nice clean tank. I want to laugh while writing this but I almost can’t because it is so embarrassing to think of myself, The Great, all-knowing Jesse, being so incredibly stupid and naïve. LOL. I finished my cleaning and rinsed everything. I wasn’t so stupid as to not know that bleach could hurt the fish but I thought a good quick rinsing was sufficient. I added the gravel and ornaments back and filled the tank back up with straight tap water, no conditioner. I was very excited to put them back in, into their nice clean home. I even joked with my wife about how happy they would be. I added all of them back in and within a matter of minutes the small ones were on there sides. I won’t get into all the details but as I’m sure you all guessed in the beginning of this little story things didn’t work out so well. I noticed right away there was a problem and tried to move the large guys over to the tank in the other room in hopes of saving them but unfortunately the damage had been done. It was an aquatic massacre, I was a fish killer.

        As I said in the beginning I never thought I would care this much about fish. Dogs and cats yes but fish? What happened next still amazes me; I got choked up almost to the verge of tears, LOL, big, tough Jesse, crying over dead fish. I cared though, I was genuinely upset by what I had done and I was hurt by the loss of my fish. It makes me laugh now but after watching them, feeding them, and naming them, I felt like I had lost something close to me, a part of my life. Walking into the room everyday afterwards the overwhelming smell of bleach and the empty tank sitting there were a constant reminder of my failure. It was at this point I made the decision that I was gonna do this the right way dammit, I was going to learn all that I could and I was going to be successful next time.

        I began researching and learning and that brought a new level of enjoyment and happiness out of my new hobby. I now have two healthy tanks running and a couple great fish, with plans to set up a larger tank soon.  I spend time everyday learning whatever I can. I do water changes, test water levels, vacuum gravel, all the work that’s involved but it’s not work anymore. It’s my time. It is something that is mine, my fish, my peace and quiet. I get to put in the effort and hard work and see the benefits. To go from someone who believed that fish were stupid worthless animals to someone that believes they are incredible creatures is a mind blowing transformation to myself and stuns my family and friends. I have found something that I truly enjoy and it helps to bring me back to sanity on those really hectic days. To be able to take a few minutes, sit back in silence and watch all these fish dancing through the water is almost Zen like. Sitting and observing how they are not mindless creatures, but individuals with different personalities and mannerisms, who seem to go through different moods is awe inspiring. At the same time being able to look back on my failures is a truly humbling experience. It will never cease to astound me how my experience with a couple tiny little fish has changed the man I am today. All I can continue to do is keep learning, because there is still much I need to know.